Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
