two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
