her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
