he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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