You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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