you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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