those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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