yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
