I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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