I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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