I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
