I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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