'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize