Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
