You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
