would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
