Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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