There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
