So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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