Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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