Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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