If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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