It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
