Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's always time for handjobs
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
