I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
