I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
