yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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