just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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