I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
