Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
