mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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