Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
where am i from again
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
