You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
