dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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