I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
