Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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