I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize