i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
