theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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