Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
