So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
