The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
