just come out here and I will go home with you...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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