Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
