I faked an abortion last night.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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