this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think your dad took our porno
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize