she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
