We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
