if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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