She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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