My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
