Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
