Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
