Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also, beer. Big fan.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
