Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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