C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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