guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
