if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
