allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize