so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I want her autograph on my taint
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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