he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
