Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
