I skipped work to stalk him.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
