I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
