i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
