I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
People in love make me want to vomit
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
