They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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