I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sext me about skeletons
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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