if i can run in heels then i can drive
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
