I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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