Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
