There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
