life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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