He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
