I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Holy shit dude........stairs
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