i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
