you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
