The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
