so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
