I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
