when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
