O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
