I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
