Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
